Buffy: Dawn, I'm sorry that you feel so bad. OK, but in the morning this won't seem so terrible. You don't even know this R.J. Not really.
Dawn:I do know him. I know his soul.
Buffy:Really? Dawn, he wasn't even on your radar yesterday.
Xander:It's the jacket. It's true. Something about the big letter on the chest makes girls get all swoony and crushy. I saw it all the time in school. And you couldn't just pin any old felt letter to your coat and get play- not that I tried.


Buffy: You shredded my outfit.
Dawn: I'll buy you a new one.
Buffy: That's not the point. I don't want a new cheerleading outfit.
Xander: Now, now, let's not be hasty.


Willow: Check out the fan club.
Xander: Daddy like!
Buffy: What is that shirt made of, paint? I'm glad Dawny isn't here to see her precious boyfriend getting all thrusty with some slut-bag hussy who... oh! *they see it's Dawn*
Xander: Oh. Oh! No! Daddy, no! I wasn't...when I was looking, I wasn't. Oh God!
Willow: Right there with ya.


Dawn: Oh, my God! I'm the pushy queen of Slut Town!


Xander: Now get off the boy, Buffy! We're going home.


Willow: Damn love spell! I have tried every anti-love spell spell I can find.
Anya: Even if you found the right one, the guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love-spell spell… spell.
Willow: What?


Willow: Buffy's... not here... go away.
R.J.: Are you sure?
Anya: No Buffy for you! Leave quickly. Now.


Buffy: Willow, you're a gay woman!
Willow: *"So what?" face*
Buffy: And he... isn't?
Willow: This isn't about his physical presence! It's about his heart.
Anya: His physical presence has a penis!
Willow: I can work around it!
Anya: Well you're going to have to do better than that. I'd kill for him.
Willow: You'
d kill for a chocolate bar.

Willow: No. You can't be the only not-embarrassed one. What did you do?
Anya: Oh, uh… I-I, uh… wrote a poem.
*Looks of incredulity all around.*
Anya: An epic poem. Comparing him to a-a daisy, a tower, and a lake.
Radio Announcer: And now the latest on Sunnydale's late-night bandit, who is still at large. A masked thief held up a number—
*Anya abruptly clicks off the radio.*
Anya: Okay, great. Ice cream! My treat?


Quotes from Buffyverse:


XANDER: You're gonna live in that small room over there. I know it looks like a closet, but it's a room now. You're not gonna touch my food. I take the first shower in the morning, and if I use up all the hot water, that's your tough noogies. (to Buffy) And I hate this plan. (to Spike) Are you keeping up, or do you need some kind of English-to-ConstantPainInMyAss translation?


SPIKE: I'll go. This can't work.
BUFFY: It will. I-it already is. OK, you know, you've been out of the basement for half an hour, and you've already stopped talking to invisible people.
SPIKE: Bollocks.
BUFFY: OK, so there was that one episode in the car, but?
SPIKE: No, bollocks to the whole thing. I don't need your mollycoddling.
BUFFY: It's not coddling. Now go to your closet. (flees)


DAWN: (cheering badly) Razorbacks, razorbacks, we're gonna play, we got a secret weapon and his name is R.J. Hear us cheer, hear us yell, listen what we say, razorbacks, razorbacks, go R.J.!
(falls)
CHEERLEADER FRIEND: OK. Thank you. Very... spirited.


XANDER: Well, Spike definitely seems a little more cogent, less (moves finger up and down on lip to make sound) bl-bl-bl-bl-bl. I'm just saying... once you get back the soul, doesn't that mean you start, like, picking up your own wet towels off the floor?
WILLOW: No, but maybe you start to feel really bad about leaving them there.
BUFFY: At least he's showering, and that's a refreshing and delightful change.



BUFFY: So, do you have plans later, or are you just gonna go down to the docks and wait for the fleet to come in?
DAWN: What?
BUFFY: Where do I start with the bad? First, you told me you were going to the library. Second, you do not go out on a date without informing me first. Third, Anna Nicole Smith thinks you look tacky.


BUFFY: (repulsed) Aah! No more with the talky. Look, I know how guys like you work. You turn on the charm, you get whatever you want, no matter who gets in your way, right?
RJ: OK, look, it's not like that. I just? get along really well with girls.
BUFFY: Oh, I see how you get along. Oh, look at me, I'm Mr. Quarterback. I crush little girls and all their little feelings. All I have to do is? (suddenly swooning) lead a team of high school athletes trying their best to do a good job. Everyone depending on me. That is a lot of pressure. But it doesn't mean you get to disregard other people's feelings.


XANDER: Dawn? What's wrong? Is this? Did that guy in the jacket?
DAWN: (crying) Uh! I don't even want to hear his name anymore!
XANDER: I just called him "that guy in the jacket".
DAWN: That's what I used to call him in my head before I knew his real name!


ANYA: Crazy little lust puppies, aren't they?


XANDER: (to Spike as they head towards the door) I'm just saying, we're?we're tangling with a powerful spell here. We don't know what the deal is so?so keep an eye out if this guy looks twitchy. And don't let this guy charm you, either. He had everyone around him practically kissing his ring back in high school.
(door opens. RJ's brother Lance is decidely past his prime)
LANCE: Yeah?



WILLOW: But you don't even know him!
ANYA: Yes, I do. I looked into him and saw his soul.
WILLOW: He was walking away, so unless his soul was in his ass?
ANYA: A.J. is my best friend and my dearest darling?
WILLOW: It's R.J. And what you were picking up on was his deep caring and devotion to me.


WILLOW: Oh, Hecate, I call on you. I humbly ask your will be done. Hear my request, a simple change, create a daughter from a s?
(Xander puts his hand over her mouth, interrupting the spell.)
WILLOW: Oh, man! Now I've gotta start all over. Hecate hates that.


(Over Principal Wood's shoulder, we see Buffy aiming a bazooka through his office window at him. Spike tackles her off screen. They chase each other back and forth a few times, and end up reaching Xander & Willow)


BUFFY: Dawn, I would give him to you in a second if I could. That's how much you're scaring me.
DAWN: But I?I thought you wanted him... for you.
BUFFY: Nah. Well, yeah. My God, that boy is hot. Sorry. I think I might be under a spell here.
DAWN: I hear ya.


XANDER: Now, you're sure you understand the plan?
SPIKE: I think I got it, yeah.
(Xander tackles R.J. while Spike takes the jacket off of him. They run away with the jacket. cut to the jacket burning in the fireplace)
XANDER: That, my friends, is the smell of sweet, sweet, victory.